04 February, 2014

2-3-5 working with others: Safety

Safety is the other thing you need to open and keep a gold conversation and communication channel with others … and communication is the way you can influence (have power on) the people around you

If the conversation feels awkward, unnatural and uncomfortable; stone walls begin to rise up and the cold freezes everything … that is how conversations end and you lose that power you should have

So what is the solution for that? Make people feel safe to express what is on their mind without any fear that they are under the light, being judged by any means, not being criticized for what they say/ are going to say
And how to make people feels safe during communications? … Three things:

1-     Treat people with appreciation
Express appreciation for what they do all the time; make them feel that what they do is important to you
Even if you need to give them a very bad feedback, you need to express appreciation for the effort, time they dedicate to such bad stuff
And come on! Nothing is 100% pitch black, you always can find the positive, bright thing about anything; just say this as a gratitude and appreciation

2-     Treat people with courtesy
= Be polite.
  You can always shove any sentence with this polite shit all the time, for example;
would you please? - Could you please? - please do ….. – excuse me, … - thank you – thanks for your time – do you mind doing ….? - …. Etc.
Train yourself and just pick up any kind of conversation and you will find that you can fill it with such nice, colorful expressions … and by time it will be natural
And it is not just the words, it is also about the deeds; to accept small inconveniences for the sake of other persons … like opening the door for them – help them carry things – smile to them ….etc.

3-     Treat them with respect
Pay attention to them, not to demean them by any means, not to treat them poorly or show lack of interest, not being sarcastic or mock or laugh to what they say, do
And pay attention to that: they can forgive or ignore some of the small gestures of disrespect, but no one AND I MEAN NO ONE will forgive this attitude when done in front of any person, no matter who he is  

So, to sum up:
Your only power over people is influence, and to influence you need to open and keep a good communication channel … the ways to do that is two things
1-     Make them feel important
2-     Make them feel safe communicating with you, by:
a-      Treating them with appreciation
b-     Treating them with courtesy
c-      Treating them with respect

And always remember, we can apply these things naturally when things go smooth and fine
But the real power that will define you as a  perfect communicator, that will make you stand alone among all your competitors; is to remember and apply such stuff when you LEAST FEEL LIKE DOING IT

The moments that you feel you will hate yourself for being polite and caring are actually the only important moments to apply these concepts