2-3-7 working with others: Commander's intent

"Commander's intent" is a management term in the army, and it reflects a very good and efficient management approach used extensively in the jobs of emergency that need fast thinking and decision making like the military, policemen, firemen, emergency doctors …etc. And it says:

Never tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them do it their own way

-          People just HATE to be told how to do their jobs in details. If you ever experienced that, it is kind of insulting and demeaning to  just be told what to do in details

-          The detailed orders and know-how is part of the micromanagement courses, it is useful at some cases but to use it all the time is one of the most uncomfortable and inefficient ways to communicate with your team/ employees/ people in general

That is related to many things;

-          making people around you feel comfortable and trustworthy

-          make them feel safe so that you can influence them more

-          make them flexible to changes and not just paralyzed when a sudden change occurs

-          saving tons of time trying to communicate the detailed know-how to them and respond to the changes in the plans

-          letting them feel responsible and that they are not just tools, but part of what they do

-          encouraging the creativity and ingenuity in them by letting them do stuff their own way and handle the hurdles themselves

All you need to do is just give them the two WHYs (why to do this, why THEM to do it), and give them the very clear objective (you can be very detailed and specific here to make them understand what exactly do you want), and then let them find different ways to do what you want. 

2-3-6 working with others: Give them the WHY

A psychological experiment:

A very long line of students were waiting to copy their papers, a person came and asked: "Can I cut the line?" ….. Almost none agreed to such request

Then he changed the question form: "Can I cut the line, please?" …. The exact same result as previous

Then he changed the question form to: "Can I cut the line because I am late for the class?" …. Many people agreed to let him cut the line and actually did let him copy the papers before them

People always when given orders, being requested to; they ask themselves the why question:

-          Why should I do this?

-          Why me to do this?

And they are much more likely to comply when you give them the answers to these two questions with what you tell them to do

Interestingly, actually amazingly, when the same person changed the question to: "Can I cut the line because I want to copy some papers?" …. He got the exact same response as "YES" as the last question he asked!!!!!!!!

-          It is like that all you need to give is the word "because" not the real logical reason itself

-          Like you must fill some planks in their heads to just make them comply to you, and the way to do it is to say because and then follow it by any shit

So, in the perfect case; when you order someone, request from someone, convince someone to buy what you are offering; give him the reason why HIM to do THIS

And if you fail to find a good reason … say anything … but say because, the magical word for compliance ;)

2-3-5 working with others: Safety

Safety is the other thing you need to open and keep a gold conversation and communication channel with others … and communication is the way you can influence (have power on) the people around you

If the conversation feels awkward, unnatural and uncomfortable; stone walls begin to rise up and the cold freezes everything … that is how conversations end and you lose that power you should have

So what is the solution for that? Make people feel safe to express what is on their mind without any fear that they are under the light, being judged by any means, not being criticized for what they say/ are going to say

And how to make people feels safe during communications? … Three things:

1-     Treat people with appreciation

Express appreciation for what they do all the time; make them feel that what they do is important to you

Even if you need to give them a very bad feedback, you need to express appreciation for the effort, time they dedicate to such bad stuff

And come on! Nothing is 100% pitch black, you always can find the positive, bright thing about anything; just say this as a gratitude and appreciation

2-     Treat people with courtesy

= Be polite.

  You can always shove any sentence with this polite shit all the time, for example;

would you please? - Could you please? - please do ….. – excuse me, … - thank you – thanks for your time – do you mind doing ….? - …. Etc.

Train yourself and just pick up any kind of conversation and you will find that you can fill it with such nice, colorful expressions … and by time it will be natural

And it is not just the words, it is also about the deeds; to accept small inconveniences for the sake of other persons … like opening the door for them – help them carry things – smile to them ….etc.

3-     Treat them with respect

Pay attention to them, not to demean them by any means, not to treat them poorly or show lack of interest, not being sarcastic or mock or laugh to what they say, do

And pay attention to that: they can forgive or ignore some of the small gestures of disrespect, but no one AND I MEAN NO ONE will forgive this attitude when done in front of any person, no matter who he is  

So, to sum up:

Your only power over people is influence, and to influence you need to open and keep a good communication channel … the ways to do that is two things

1-     Make them feel important

2-     Make them feel safe communicating with you, by:

a-      Treating them with appreciation

b-     Treating them with courtesy

c-      Treating them with respect

And always remember, we can apply these things naturally when things go smooth and fine

But the real power that will define you as a  perfect communicator, that will make you stand alone among all your competitors; is to remember and apply such stuff when you LEAST FEEL LIKE DOING IT

The moments that you feel you will hate yourself for being polite and caring are actually the only important moments to apply these concepts